but I didn’t realize when I woke up this morning that I’d be plumbing the depths of mine today. Let me explain. It all started a few weeks ago, on my birthday. Being the bookworm that I am, I’m a member of the Borders frequent buyers’ club, and they’d very considerately sent me a 15% off one item coupon in honor of said birthday. It was set to expire today, November 12, and of course I hadn’t gotten around to using it yet.
A few weeks ago, they opened a brand new, ritzy shopping center—called Westfield—in downtown San Francisco, which happened to have a brand new Borders in it. So I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone. Well, three: check out the new shopping center, go spend my coupon, and eat lunch at the fancy-schmancy food court in Westfield’s basement.
But I didn’t reckon on three things:
- Today is a Sunday.
- In November, which is the month before December, which in Latin means “shopping madness”.
- “Shopping center” is a euphemism for “mall”.
- I hate the mall.
Okay, four things.
My first clue—that I should just turn around and go back home, that is—should have been the massive crowds pouring out of the Powell Street BART station. But I remained stubbornly optimistic; they couldn’t all, or even most, be going to the brand new shopping center in downtown SF on a Sunday just before the holiday season, could they? They could.
My second clue should have been the throng, the absolute throng, that was in front of every food court station when I passed through. It’s just the lunch-time crowd, I thought; I’d just come back down in an hour or so, when it was less crowded.
My third clue, after a little more than an hour spent in Borders, by which time I felt I was starving, should have been the very pleasant and very color-coordinated Filipino lady at the register, who nevertheless was obviously new and couldn’t seem, for the life of her, to figure out how to scan my 15% off coupon.
My business finally concluded at Borders—the lavender lady, never having figured out how to scan my coupon, just gave me a 20% discount off each item instead—and my stomach gnawing at my ribs, I made my way back down to the “Food Emporium” (I am not kidding; that is really what it’s called) in hopes that the crowds would have thinned a little and I’d be able to get my lunch and and an empty table in short order.
The crowds had thinned somewhat, but that just meant that the volume of people was such that I wasn’t forced to apologize to someone every two seconds for bumping into them. It was every four seconds, instead. A few minutes later, as I sat at a table eating my chicken sandwich, serenaded by the ear-splitting shrieks of an infant in the arms of his grim-faced father at the next table, my fourth clue arrived. I don’t know why I should have paid attention to this one, when I’d ignored the three perfectly good ones that came my way earlier.
Anyway, as I sat there trying to finish my sandwich as fast as humanly possible while still taking time to, you know, breathe, all the while mentally composing this blog post, I realized that I’d found suburban hell, right in the middle of downtown San Francisco. Right on the heels of that thought came this one: Oh my god, make it stop. So I finished my sandwich and got the hell out of Dodge.